Stop Talking in Circles: Try Directive Therapy to Level Up

If ignoring your feelings worked, you’d be happy now.

Men’s mental health is finally getting the attention it deserves, but let’s be real — the conversation is a bit messy. Too many guys are weighed down by expectations, unspoken rules, and outdated definitions of manhood. We live in a culture that tells men to “man up,” but rarely offers practical tools to handle what’s going on inside. That gap? It’s draining. Men are still encouraged, directly or indirectly, to push through. Don’t feel. Don’t complain. Keep your head down and get it done. It sounds stoic — until you realize it leaves men isolated and disconnected.

I work with men every day who are navigating the tension between being told they “shouldn’t” struggle and still finding themselves struggling. So let’s cut through the noise and talk about what men actually need: therapy that’s direct, honest, and focused on building the self-awareness and emotional intelligence that lead to real change.

In my practice, I hear the same themes: depression that’s been quietly endured, relationships under strain, men who are physically present but emotionally tuned out, anxiety that keeps them stuck. And a common thread? Many were taught to see vulnerability as weakness.

Here’s the truth: struggling doesn’t make men weak. It makes them human. And the men who do the hardest work - facing themselves, admitting what’s not working, and engaging fully in therapy - are often the strongest guys I know.

Why Many Men Need Directive Therapy

Here’s an unpopular opinion: not all therapy works for all men.

A lot of guys don’t connect with the image of sitting in a room for 50 minutes while someone nods silently and asks, “And how does that make you feel?” That approach helps some people, but for many men, it feels like going in circles.

Most men I see want something more concrete: a plan, a direction, steps they can take. They want to know, “What do I do next?”

That’s where my style of directive therapy comes in. I’ll challenge you. I’ll point out patterns you may not see...even (especially?) when it’s uncomfortable. I’ll teach skills and help you develop tools to use in the world outside the therapy room. And I’ll help you identify practical, actionable steps you can take after each session.

Directive therapy doesn’t mean I have all the answers or that I’ll bark orders at you like a drill sergeant. It means I won’t sit passively while you spin your wheels session after session. We’ll roll up our sleeves, take a clear-eyed look at your challenges, and do the work. And yes, sometimes that means facing uncomfortable truths - but that’s where growth happens.

Men thrive when they understand the rules of the game and have strategies to move forward. Therapy should equip you with tools you can use in real time.

Self-Awareness: The Missing Muscle

Many men invest hours at the gym, but the most underdeveloped muscle they carry is self-awareness. Self-awareness isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a survival skill. It’s knowing your triggers, your patterns, and your blind spots so you can respond thoughtfully instead of reacting automatically.

Without self-awareness, you end up running someone else’s playbook - your boss’s demands, cultural expectations, old family scripts, or that relentless inner critic that fuels your self-talk.

The challenge is, most men aren’t taught to do this kind of work. They’re used to focusing outward: jobs, bills, responsibilities. Turning the lens inward can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable.

But without it, the same patterns repeat: different job, same frustrations. Different relationship, same arguments. Different year, same cycles.

If you want different results, you need an upgraded operating system. That upgrade starts with self-awareness.

Emotional Intelligence: The Skill That Pays Off

Emotional intelligence (EQ) isn’t about sitting in a circle singing kumbaya and burning sage. It’s about mastering one of the most valuable skills men can have today. At work, EQ can get you promoted faster than technical skills because your co-workers will feel a stronger connection with you. In relationships, it prevents blowups, breakups, and the slow drift into resentment. In parenting, it helps your kids trust you with their struggles instead of shutting you out.

Too many men assume emotional intelligence is “soft.” It’s not. It’s a competitive edge. It’s the difference between being the guy who people respect and follow, versus the guy who gets sidelined.

Here’s the good news: EQ isn’t something you either have or don’t. Like building muscle, it can be trained. Recognizing emotions, managing them, and responding with intention rather than impulse is a discipline. It pays off in every arena of life.

Stop Playing Defense with Your Mental Health

Many men wait until things are at a breaking point before reaching out: marriages under strain, health taking a hit, or coping through work, substance abuse, porn, and similar distractions. Not because they don’t care…but because they’ve been taught to put everything else first and sideline their own needs.

Here’s the reality: your mental health isn’t a side project. It’s the foundation. If you’re not tending to it, eventually everything else — career, relationships, health, goals — feels heavier. Men are great at investing time and research into the best grill, the best car, or the best workout plan. The same energy invested into your mental health can be a game-changer.

My Challenge to Men

If you’re a man reading this, here’s my challenge:

• Stop buying into the “man up” crap that closes you off from the experience of being fully human. Vulnerability is strength. Self-awareness is power.

• Find a therapist who won’t let you coast…someone who will push you, challenge you, and teach you tools to find your voice and direction.

• Start building self-awareness like your life depends on it (because it just might).

• Train emotional intelligence the same way you train your body or develop career skills.

Most importantly, don’t wait for the crisis to come knocking. Start now.

Being a man isn’t about shutting down emotions or white-knuckling through life. It’s about doing the hard, honest work of becoming fully alive, aware, and engaged. The world doesn’t need more men checked out. It needs men who are present, grounded, and connected.

Effective men’s therapy is about upgrading the operating system you’ve been running on. The truth is, therapy can be one of the most powerful tools to help you level up your life, because it pushes you to break out of outdated patterns, sharpen your emotional intelligence, and build the kind of resilience that actually works in today’s world.